My name is Martyn. I'm a grumpy old bugger, and that's putting it mildly. This collection of writings is my attempt to make sense of how a youth who showed so much promise - captain of the football team, lead in the school play, top exam scores -ended up a broke, single, unemployed 60-year-old living in his childhood bedroom.

The short answer? By degrees. One small failure at a time, chipping away at a psyche already damaged by an undiagnosed neurological condition.

At 47, a serendipitous study gave me a diagnosis: ADHD+. It was too late; the blueprint of my life was already set in concrete. At 53, they added High Functioning Asperger's. (Don't be fooled by the label; it just means I'm better at masking the internal chaos.)

Now, at 60+, with the 'gift' of social isolation and emotional clarity, I can finally take a sober look at the carnage that was my life and seek the answer to that one burning question:

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?!?

These writings are my therapy, I exhausted any faith in counsellors after years of diagnosis roulette, and finding and paying for a Psychologist, the optimum solution, is an impossible dream. So my solution is to write it down. It's primarily for me as a tool for reflection so there will be edits and updates as my thinking evolves. And no, you don't get to be offended. If you don't like what you read, stop reading.

I'm making them public because I am aware there are still a lot of young people struggling to find the help they need, struggling to even be believed and taken seriously. So for them I hope these writings can at least help them feel less alone in their fight for balance, and maybe there will be a few gems they can take away.

Since I'm sharing this publicly, I've made an effort to make it engaging. But let me be clear: I'm not here to make you feel good. To make you feel? Hopefully. But good? Doubtful.

Welcome to my world.