This is a series of prose(?) that came to me as I was processing the implosion of my second relationship. It was during this time I received the High Functioning Asperger's diagnosis.

He's coming

I'm sounding fragile, desperate, weak. Then a time of calm.

He's coming.

I'm emotional, loud, frenetic. You ask me to stop, I go quiet.

He's coming.

My world has changed, my normal has gone. What there was is no more.

He's coming.

Sights, sounds, smells, all amassing around me.

I don't know where to look, what to hear, I shut it all out.

He's coming.

My eyes go cold, my face loses expression. I'm sounding balanced, analytical, focused.

He's here.

See the Demon

He looks a lot like me. He sounds a lot like me. But he's not me, if you look closely you will see.

His eyes are a little colder, he looks through you, not at you.

His speech is a little flatter, he offers no emotion when he talks.

He not interested in you, he won't meet your gaze, or if he does it is with a burning intent.

He's not concerned about anything or anyone except the task he has at hand.

He can't be reasoned with, he'll cut you off, shut you down.

If you see him don't engage, I'm in here screaming "Get Away!"

The Demon within

He's been back, he's wreaked his havoc, and now he slumbers again, content with his efforts.

Imagine being a passenger in your own mind, seeing through your eyes, hearing through your ears, but your mouth and limbs are under the control of another, He's back!

He has particular tastes my demon, he feasts on the one's I hold dear, he delights in the hurt he inflicts on them and, in the anguish he inflicts on me.

While he's wreaking his havoc they can't see him, they see me, and so in the carnage he leaves I'm left to accept responsibility, another kilo of guilt, another two of remorse, to add to the already heavy burden.

He's been with me all my life, my demon but I've only recently learned his name. Now I know him, I can understand him, maybe control him. Do I dare to dream I can vanquish him? He's strong, and I've been losing to him my whole life.

So stay away, warn your friends, that reserved, intelligent, considerate gentleman you see harbours a demon, and if I like you,

He will too!